CHIE...

Kin page

I fucking hate doubles. Die if you think you are me. (You're not.)
You can call me Mr. Lanza if you we share a canon.

After having spent much time analyzing this, I’ve determined which factors enabled me to love you. I projected a personality, which I consider to be virtuous, delusionally onto you. For the same reason, I ignored the many things which I fundamentally hate about you. I was deluding myself.

I am heavily emotionally susceptible to environments. Most of my social contact was through those players. All of them are typical detestable humans. and it bred an aura of innumerable negative emotions for me. You were a respite from that.

You could actually type coherently. Relationships cannot exist if communication is not present, which would immediately preclude me from being able to have a relationship with 99% of the humans there. I don’t believe it’s a coincidence that the only other person I liked at all was Soresu, who usually types coherently. lf l had spoken to him more often, I might have loved him. Once every month or so in that game. I would meet someone who would type properly, and I would always try to play with them. I remember one person in particular whom I followed around only because he typed properly. Which allowed me to communicate with him without feeling as if I was dealing with a severely mentally handicapped duck. He spoke disrespectfully of his girlfriend the first day I spoke to him, which would normally serve as the catalyst for my detestment of such a person, yet I completely overlooked it because I was so relieved to be able to speak with someone who was in any way capable of communicating.

Relationships have absolutely no physical aspect to me: all that matters is communication. The nature of the internet fosters this.

I incessantly have nothing other than scorn for humanity. l have been desperate to feel anything positive for someone for my entire life.

Early on, you referenced serial killing multiple times in ways people normally don’t. That immediately appealed to me.

l have an affinity for people whom I perceive as being abused, and consummate scorn for the abusers. It was probably the primary enabling factor. The way you are relentlessly treated by these humans is obscenely offensive to me. so everytime they would do it. it would simultaneously increase my sympathy for you and increase my resentment for all of them. My wrath for them fostered more of a negative atmosphere. which would cause you to be even more of a respite from their depravity. It was self-perpetuating.

I’m capable of boundless affection. I had never been in a sitation to feel that way before, so I thought that it was special.

I took my focus away from myself and directed it toward you.

Because I used to be hate-filled and couldn’t just dismiss people I didn’t like. It tore me apart, and I needed someone who didn’t.

Coercion is endemic to parenting in general. Children are slaves to their parents’ will in virtually every family.

You’re a Christian. Religion, being cultural, inherently subjugates.

That whole “dishonor” fatuity. Something is “dishonorable” not because it lacks virtue, but because it goes against their “authority”. All they’re doing is imposing their will on you.

You submit to the notion of culture, which your parents forced onto you.